Dear Journal,







It was hardly FIVE MINUTES after I put that video up, already feeling completely terrible about it that I began to receive hatemail about it. I explained it as best as I could, I stressed how sorry and apologetic I felt, I never forced anyone. But I guess that was not enough for all the superior ones out there who took to attacking me through messages, especially, hm? Apparently I =

- Am taking advantage of the people who support me.
- Am a charity case with no dignity.
- Am just out to buy ridiculous things like wigs and dye my hair.
- Am just doing shit that people do to get sympathy.
- Am out to take people's money to just spoil myself.
- Am not really in a bad situation AT ALL and just want to buy things (Cos you would know, right?)
- Am a fucking whore. What?
- And the list goes on and on...

To these people, I would like to say = Grow. Up.

But first let me say that no, I am not one to jump every time someone calls me out on something. I have a fair share of YouTube haters who send me hatemail about my looks or singing, and that does not matter, I can ignore it and shrug it off. But this... with my guilt issues, this is something that I need to address. Now...

I personally think that people who jump on someone's case and start attacking without proper knowledge of facts and truth and base their thoughts and opinions on pure assumptions, and who cannot present their case in a mature, adult way with the intention of solving a problem rather than just talking shit to gain a false sense of superiority... I'm sorry, but these people do not make themselves look very mature or smart.

If you have a problem with something, I figure that presenting your case calmly and pointing out just what it is you do not agree with, and working towards a solution or at least an agreement... is a much better way than running to spam my inbox with "OMG YOU'RE A FUCKING WHORE, HAVE SOME FUCKING RESPECT". Yes... no kidding.

I'm sorry, but knowing someone on the Internet, knowing a tiny piece of their life, does NOT mean you know their ENTIRE situation, all the facts, truths, their whole life. Because of course what is presented on the INTERNET, through blog posts and videos and comments, is representative of their entire lives, yes? Sure. And as such, you cannot round this person up into the shred of life you see on the Internet. What about all the things that are NOT posted or talked about? I'm pretty sure that these same people who have done this to me would not like it if it were done to them and would be spouting the same 'You don't know me' reasoning... contradictory, much? No matter what something 'looks like', one should be mature enough to realize you cannot take everything at face value.

Why put yourself out there looking like an idiot who only barks?

I have not been in the best of situations for a long time, but why would I pour that out all over my videos and posts? It is only now I am genuinely asking for help. If you have a problem with someone doing that... then I don't believe YOU deserve help when you desperately need it.

J'Lostein

PS: Most of you have been very kind and supportive and have helped out. To you... I say THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart. You will never know how much it means to little old me and I truly hope I can repay you someday, somehow. Thank you <3

Dear Journal,

I'm feeling a lot better today than I have in some time, and I love it! :D A lot of it is due to some minor, but very important to me, physical changes are taking place which seemed impossible before. And it means SO much to me! I went to bed happy, woke up happy, and I'm just sitting here smiling :D For once I didn't hate looking in the mirror ^_^ I hope this lasts! I haven't felt this alright about myself in a long time ^_^

J'Lostein

Dear Journal,






Many of you have asked how to buy my songs and have said you'd like to help/support me. Thank you SO much, from the bottom of my heart. I will be working on making proper recordings to be made available for download, but that requires new equipment. Now... I'm not one to openly ask for help, I always feel bad! But at this point in my craft, I could really use a little help and nudge in the right direction. If, and I say IF, you would like to help or support me, you can donate any amount you would like to my Paypal using the button below. It doesn't matter, even 20 cents would count! PLEASE do not hate me for this! If you do, please let me know who you are so I can thank you personally! Again, I'm not MAKING anyone do this! Thank you so much, and now I shall go hide my head in shame.

With much love and humility,
J'Lostein

Dear Journal,






11 pm. Sitting here waiting for Kimi to drop by with some stuff I need and then off he goes again.

We talked about stuff earlier and it was very nice, cos I got a lot of things off my chest that even he didn't know about, and he knows pretty much everything, so that's saying something. I told him the truth about so many things... my self esteem issues, my acceptance of the twisted perceptions and desires I've tried to push away, my self-consciousness... actually, it was pretty much that and it took him by surprise. It's nice to finally quit pretending things are okay and finally let it out and settle down into how I really feel and accept the other sides of me I was trying to push away. And no, I don't mean wallowing in misery. Just some other stuff.

Hey look! 'Autosaved draft at 11:11:11 PM' <- How awesome is that?! Make a wish!

My Ebay package finally arrived (but that's a secret, heehee!) and and and Kimi got me an awesome Kuromi doll! WHEEEEE!!! I never had a proper one :D Here's what it looks like... or at least, the closest pic to it I could find. Remind me to get my camera out more often! :



Kimi's here with my stuff. Gotta run!

J'Lostein

Dear Journal,






To Everyone... Thank You for everything.

- Thank you for all your heartwarming, encouraging letters. You have no idea what your simple words did for me. Thank you.
- Thank you for the laughs and jokes when I was down. You helped more than you know. Thank you.
- Thank you for the simple little notes you leave me. They make me smile more than you know. Thank you.
- Thank you for all the little posts, sites, blog entries, etc you made about me. I feel so honoured you can't imagine. Thank you.
- Thank you for seeing and hearing what I couldn't in my songs and lyrics. You don't know what it means. Thank you.
- Thank you for patiently listening when I did gripe and growl about something. You helped me see again. Thank you.
- Thank you for lifting me up when I was down. You brought happy tears to my eyes. Thank you.
- Thank you for dropping by and leaving me things that made me smile. You made my day. Thank you.
- Thank you for the little song covers, the little dedications, etc, you did for me. They did more than you know. Thank you.
- Thank you for believing in me more than I believed in myself. You made me stand stronger. Thank you.
- Thank you for being there. Thank you.

Somewhere along the way, I realized that sometimes we forget to say these little things. So I want to say thank you :)

J'Lostein

Dear Journal,






Today I looked at the flowers my sister was taking down from their hanging place and as I listened to her talking about how maybe my mother would like to bring them home, I found myself thinking... should she have offered me flowers, would she know just what kind I would like?

I wonder... I don't think they know a quarter of what I really think about and how I feel about certain things. With them, I sit mostly quietly and usually with a blank look on my face, doing errands when asked, moving automatically. There's a long story behind my robotic persona in front of them, don't ask.

Do they know that if I were to choose flowers, I'd love beautiful black ones (noooo I'm not emo) with beautiful blue centers? Yeah I know they most likely don't exist, but this is what is in my head. Do they know that instead of sitting quietly on the couch in my scruffy slacks and shirt, I want to be dressed in outrageous clothing that I love and pounding the piano keys, enthusing excitedly about the different melodies that could fit here and here into this and that song?

There's this whole other me I think they've only barely grasped the surface of. Do they know that instead of staring blankly at the TV here with my hair in a scruffy unstylish ponytail, I want to have it teased up and big and fluffy and rocking a microphone? Instead of mumbling robotic phrases here and there sometimes, I want to be able to snap my fingers and fire off witty one-liners and bring the house down with a charming personality, loud voice, jokes, and warm heart?

Again, don't ask why I don't, and can't, right now.

Instead of staring at the laptop all day, I want to be out doing a million and one things (that require money, btw) and having to meet a million and one people for the day's events?

Do they know that instead of staring out at the beautiful view from a balcony and seemingly not feeling anything, there are a million and one colours and thoughts going on in my head just from that simple view alone?

There's so much LIFE in me that they don't know about.

J'Lostein

Dear Journal,






Standing at the balcony of my sister's 17th-floor apartment makes me sad. The view is spectacular, especially at night. The atmosphere and cool winds are so serene and relaxing. So why does it make me sad?

Because you can see practically the whole world from there. Forests, houses, cities, roads, gardens, you can see it all. It's a whole big wide world out there, and I... how do I explain it? My whole life has practically been restricted to a small area in a small state (and I do mean small), and... that's not how it should be.

WAIT! Bear in mind I'm not complaining or whining here. I just need to state some things I want to get off my chest. Thanks for bearing with me :)

Anyway... yeah, I just feel so trapped and restricted. It's the whole world waiting out there, and with certain situations I'm in right now, I can't go out there and LIVE as much as I want to. I feel like there is so much LIFE in me right now, about to burst out, and it kills me that I'm currently stuck. I'll do what I can, of course, but like I said, there are just, well, certain situations.

I'm well aware of the 'make the most of every day' concept, and I'm all for that, I believe everyone should go for it. What I'm talking about now is different life experiences. Seeing new places, taking up classes, trying new activities, meeting different kinds of people. Know what the hard truth is? A lot of those things require MONEY, which I do not have. Need a plane ticket? Wanna learn horseback riding? Ice skating? Wanna try an awesome new dish? Yeah, you know what that requires.

I don't think I'm making sense. Sorry! It's around 3 am and I'm still awake. This is brain vomit, I'm not stopping to think. This could be verrryyyy dangeerrrrouuuussss!

I did have a nice night out with Kimi though. I think a bunch of other people were supposed to be there but I dunno what plans got screwed and what didn't. We were supposed to watch 2012 but hung out instead, which was much nicer. Things have been rough lately and this outing was just really nice and peaceful since we patched things up.

I haven't been feeling so awesome about myself physically. I've been hating everything. So I walked into a pharmacy and bought various creams and lotions and lip balm, etc, to hopefully try and remedy it. ARGH wanting to look and feel good as a woman is NOT CHEAP! Seriously, anyone who has a bag of cash lying around that they don't need, send it my way. My address is... no wait, my Paypal is...

I kid, I kid xD

J'Lostein

Dear Journal,





People change, don't they? Time goes by, friends come and go, and whatever you thought would be forever... isn't. Things that you hold on to gradually fade or move away, things you thought would always be there disappear... time goes on, you laugh, you cry, grow up, and change. Just like everything and everyone else.

It hasn't been easy, these past few months, with some good and bad (and very painful) changes, but I gotta hang in there and stick it out. I have to wake up and see that this is what is happening, no matter how much it hurts. I just wish I was able to do that more easily and not hang on to what seems to no longer be there anymore.

The past few weeks, especially, of being completely alone have been strange. At first I was so angry, more angry than I have been in literally YEARS, and then I just sort of... fizzled out. Suddenly I feel empty and void of any and all emotion I should have about this. Maybe it's because it's happened too many times before. Things that I SHOULD be enraged about, things that ARE NOT fair, things that really DO hurt... I dunno, it's like I can't seem to get upset about it anymore. Did I get used to it? That's not right. Am I stupid to just be able to let go of it and smile again so quickly? That's not right either. I can't figure it out. What am I supposed to do? Just let go and never look back?

I wish I knew what to do and I wish I wasn't completely alone in this.

Anyway, enough of my mindless brain vomit. I really should try to update more often but the truth is, there is nothing much to update about. I wake up, I get on the computer, and spend the day replying mail, writing new stuff, recording stuff, editing stuff, maybe eating stuff ( xD ), and that's just about it. Sounds boring, no? :P But I wub and enjoy it. Just lately, what with being alone so much, I've really felt the need to go out more and start building up a social life again. Seriously, I need to.

Oh! I finally finally FINALLY got my crystal necklace in the mail the other day. I don't have my camera on hand right now but this is what it looks like... the one in the middle:



We don't celebrate it here but Happy Thanksgiving to everyone! Am I late? I dunno, these days I don't even know what day it is, ha.

Christmas is also coming up... wow, the last few months of the year seem crazy. Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year... I wish I were somewhere that actually did celebrate all these holidays, I'm missing out! Someone get me to New York like NOWWWWWW xD

I have SO many things I would love to get for Christmas but like I said, no one really celebrates it here so eh. If possible, I would love new musical instruments... very unlikely, but I'd like a new digital piano, a new guitar (mine is dying), a new violin (YES I'm gonna start playing again!) and a new recorder... that, I can get for myself, hehe. Also, a pile of new clothes! At least half my wardrobe is going to be thrown out due to unrepairable damage and having become too small. I discovered I'm 5'6" instead of the 5'4" I thought I was, whee!

In other news... where the HELL are my Altec Lansing speakers/woofers...

Ok found em. Now I'm gonna hook this baby up! Haven't used them in awhile since I got my Mac but here they are:

Dear Journal,











J'Lostein

Dear Journal,







J'Lostein

Dear Journal,






Ok, two things. 1)...





2)...


J'Lostein

Dear Journal,





     I've found myself becoming very dissatisfied with my voice lately. Could it be the combination of OCD + perfectionist? Probably, but lately I've just been so... so... UNHAPPY with it. In my head I want to be able to have perfect control and fluid, smooth movement. Hitting each note perfectly, not even slightly off-pitch. Healthy vibrato. I know my voice is far, FARRRRR from all these and it's nothing amazing just yet, and God DAMN do these little things bug me! In short, I want to be able to achieve CD-perfect vocals, you could say so. I keep getting told that I'm too hard on myself, or that I have unrealistic/too high standards/expectations but but but... ARGH, that's how I'm made. Always try to go further, do not settle for any nicks and bangs, you can always do better. Whenever I hear myself sing, most of the time I'm cringing and picking out all these little tiny annoying things about my voice and going over in my head how do I get better, how do I get rid of it, how do I achieve the perfection I want?

I swear my OCD-ness is taking over my life as of late. These days I feel like if I can't do something 100% perfectly (or at least to the best of my abilities) and with all complete measures taken to ensure utter... COMPLETION... then I just don't want to do it, or do a messy job of it.

Hmm... I AM slightly unrealistic. I AM very OCD. I AM a perfectionist. I DO set the bar high for myself.

This all adds up to my mind being torn apart, really -.-


J'Lostein

Dear Journal,










ARGHHHH!!! Why 20-freakin-11?! I am SO impatient, I might just go nuts. But apparently this is NOT the official trailer, that is NOT how the graphics and artwork will be done, it is just a teaser trailer. Damn you, American McGee, daaaaaaaaaamnnnnn youuuu.

I absolutely HATE it when trailers are released like, 6 months before the actual whatever-the-trailer-is-showing is released. *Sulks*

Alice might even be on one of the new custom picks I'm in the process of making! :D There are EISBLUME ones, oh yes. I simply must make plans to stalk Ria one of these days.

Speaking of Eisblume, I found myself going 'EEEEEEEEEEE!!' and flailing about in a fangirl fit the other day. Kimi and I were in some pizza/pasta place and I was fiddling around on my Mac (yeah, dinner with the beloved and I'm surfing the internet, how romantic), and noticed a YouTube vid entitled 'Eisblumen English Version'. I thought, no freakin way... but when I opened it, it WAS! An official English version, with the lovely Ria crooning in English! *Sings 'We are like iiiiiceflowerrrsssss'* Yeah ok, excuse me while I turn it up on my Winamp. Now... when the hell are the rest of the songs going to be translated? I could do with some Liebe Heisst Schmerz and Uberleben in English. And Stern... and Hoffnung... and and and...

Ahem. Anyway. It's almost 1 am, I'm in 'my' room drinking iced milk tea. Just got home from an internet cafe... I've been trying to upload a 2000 Subscribers video to YouTube, plus my audition for Stella Voci, but my connection has seriously been crapping out on me for the longest time. I don't know what's up with it. It can download things off the internet fine, but it just WON'T upload anything, or send/receive any files on any messengers. So I figured I'd get myself to an internet cafe and upload it there but NO... same freakin thing! If you're wondering, my house and the internet cafe both use different ISPs. What is this, some nationwide internet meltdown? NOT cool since the Stella Voci auditions kinda end tomorrow. Thankfully, the lovely Kate is being awesome about it and not slaughtering me... yet... T_T

I made the 2000 Subs video a little different, a little more fun (I hope!). I kinda spent ALL day and ALL night on it, so... *gets out meat cleaver* people had BETTER like it... ok no, don't call the cops, I'm just playing.

I had a pretty good weekend. For Halloween, I attended the All-American Rejects concert here :D :D :D I'm not a huge fan or anything but I do ADORE Nick Wheeler and lucky ole me ended up near the front of the stage on HIS side ^_^ I SO wish I caught one of his guitar picks for my collection, it would have been treasured, prized, and adored. I absolutely died when I wasn't able to get into the Meet N Greet since it was for contest winners only. Met some friends there and ended up sitting on the floor eating pizza and drinking strawberry yoghurt drink.

And on another note... I can almost SWEAR Nick saw and smiled at me from the stage. 99.9% sure. Probably thinking "Hee, stupid white-haired freak".

I also watched Michael Jackson's 'This Is It'. Man, it was kind of heartbreaking for me. It's so sad how people broke him.

Switchfoot's 'Oh! Gravity' is playing. YES I am waiting for 'Hello Hurricane' :D Meeting Jon Foreman = Something I would like to be able to relive everyday. I gotta meet more awesome people. Like Ria. Now. No really... NOW.

Sayyyy... did you ever meet my L Nendoroid?


J'Lostein

Dear Journal,






So how is everyone? God, I know, I haven't posted in 2 weeks, bad Jamie, bad! God, things have been a little nuts around here, and not even in a good way... (I usually like insanity). Ugh, so many people I need to catch up with. Things are just like all over the place right now x(

Nothing all THAT interesting to update you guys with unfortunately... I live a pretty boring life, haha. At the moment it's a really dark, cold, rainy afternoon and it's oh so relaxing. I'm surprised I haven't fallen asleep yet. Especially after filling up on pizza. It's like, my first proper meal all week, I really should start eating and sleeping better. Hardly do much of both, really.

Halloween is coming up, everyone's talking about it. Pity that no one REALLY celebrates Halloween here. I'll be going to see the All-American Rejects in concert on Halloween night, since their show got postponed. I'm no huge fan but I do think Nick Wheeler is adorable xD

No costume, since apparently I dress like it's Halloween everyday anyway. Oh yeah.

I know... I sound epically boring right now but forgive me, my brain has died for a bit :P

I've taken to writing in a real journal again, HANDWRITTEN, woooo! Hehe, who does that these days, really? Ridiculous that hardly anyone does, but yeah, it's been years, and it feels pretty awesome to be at it again. Very therapeutic. Wanna see my handwriting?? xD

But seriously... somebody remind me to post here more often. I haven't been on the BPAL site very much, which is just blasphemy!! I'll never be able to catch up with all the new scents now, sniff sniff x( Tis the way of the world... everyone's out to get my wallet.

Ugh, with all the crap going around here lately, I've been feeling so unmotivated to do absolutely anything. I'm turning into a fat vegetable and I better do something about it soon. Like, get out of bed. Or something. Anything.

I've been on IMVU a little more lately. And and and here is my 3D version of my baby Sybil! :D



Sorry for having seemingly abandoned you! I'm still alive!

J'Lostein

Dear Journal,





Haven't posted a proper entry in awhile, have I? My life now consists of either recording/writing/replying emails, etc. And each one of those can easily take at least 4-6 hours each (AT LEAST!), hence my absence, hehehe. HEY LJ FRIENDS, hope you're all doing fine and dandy! I've missed out on catching (reading?) up with so many people, I feel kinda guilty. Meh -_-; That also goes for Myspace friends, I'm hardly on there now.

It's kind of crazy, actually. I'm almost at 2000 subscribers now and just a short month or so ago I was only at 500+. Big cheesy grin on my face? HELL YES! Email does get insane but oh does it feel so gooooooood :D

Although the strange ones really start coming out of the woodwork... (But hey, it's all good, they iz friendzzzz)

In light of Eid, I've been to a few house parties... okay, just two so far, yesterday and today. Yesterday was the one at my eldest sisters' place, and that was actually kinda nice. Met a lot of relatives I haven't met in awhile. One of them being my cousin Michelle. The last time I saw her, she was hardly 13 I think? Now she's almost 18, wow. It was nice to actually be able to have sorta 'deep' discussions with her. I couldn't help but think how very... 'Asian' they all were though. No surprise there, since they were all my Chinese relatives. What I mean is that Michelle, for instance, scores heaps of A's at school, is going into business, and is almost qualified to be a piano teacher. Another cousin who wasn't present is in Melbourne studying, and her brother is in a very good college here.. to which his father implied that wasn't enough for him. And there I sat, having left my university this year, not formally studying at the moment, not having a 'proper' job, and just working on music independently. Of course I love what I do but in that kind of situation I just didn't want to mention it.

The other party was earlier today, at a neighbour's house. That was also nice since I met a lot of people I knew there, and who, surprisingly recognized me. I was told that some kids had asked the host 'Isn't that J'Lostein, the one who sings?'. That was an awesome surprise as I am not at all involved in the music scene here and everything is 100% online for now :D

The Bill Kaulitz madness... oh man xD I've had SO many people mention SO many similarities, down to the way I raise my eyebrow! I mention this only because I would like to clarify that in no way am I trying to be or copy him, nor do I want to. Here's the logic: There are over 6 billion people in this world, so of course SOME people are gonna have things in common. In this case... he's just famous so people think I'm a copycat :P I've never been one to extensively watch band videos/interviews, so I haven't been sitting there studying him and copying everything. So yeah, just felt I needed to explain that so the fangirls can stop killing me xD

Speaking about that... I feel it's kinda unfair that just because someone famous does something first, then everyone else who does is immediately branded a copycat.

In other news, katethegreat19, who is like my IDOL, has asked me to audition for her 9-girl choir, Stella Voci! :D I am thoroughly intimidated since they all have miraculous voices but but but I'll give it a shot anyway. More details to come, as Kate deserves like a whole entry just about her xD

At the moment, I'm sitting in this room feeling full from the rice and chicken and beef I consumed earlier. Le BURP. I think I'm gonna go relax a bit, I kinda need to :P Take care everyone, hope all is well.

J'Lostein

PS: I want more custom picks. Damn you, empty PayPal.

Dear Journal,






J'Lostein

Dear Journal,


J'Lostein

Dear Journal,






I had a decidedly strange dream last night. I dreamt I got married to some friend of mine here.

I think it started out with my family thinking we were in a relationship and getting the wrong idea, and then planning the wedding for us. For some reason, I just went along with it, and I thought he was ok with it too. Then something sad happened, I think someone in my family died, right on the day before the wedding. So my mum especially was counting on the marriage of her youngest daughter to make her smile a bit. On the day itself, I went to see my friend and realized... he had NO IDEA of the whole affair. HOW, I don't know. He didn't even know my family thought we were a couple. And the wedding was to take place in just a few hours. I got really really embarrassed and told him about what happened, and thought someone on his side already informed him of everything. Crazily enough, he just laughed, kissed me and said he didn't mind one bit, and let's get married (Yes, this is all rather WTF). Sweetly, he went to see my mum and help out with the preparations and at one point we were all packing and getting stuff for the new house. And I never got to the actual wedding, for I woke up with a big "HOLY HELL WHAT WAS THAT?!" look on my face.

Strange... I don't even know if I ever want to get married and I hadn't thought about, or seen this friend of mine in a long time. Funny, the things that your brain conjures up.

J'Lostein

Dear Journal,






Again, I probably shouldn't be here as mail is getting crazy these days and I really should be replying stuff but HEY when was the last time I made a proper entry, hmmm?

My weekend was pretty good! Saturday, I went out with Kimi and 2 other friends to watch...


Somebody remind me to actually use my camera when I go out. And the acting was atrocious... STIFF as a board. But the 3D effects were rather fun, hehe. Now I can't wait to watch G-Force, which is saying something since I usually don't like going to watch movies, especially ones that are NOT horror movies. It's fasting month around here and we got to the movies just in time to catch the 7:40 pm one which ended up in us breaking fast in the theatre itself, hardy harhar.

I was feeling so upset around last Thursday night though and called Azam to come pick me up. He did, in a flash. It's times like these that I don't feel so lonely anymore and feel truly grateful, so thank you so much for being a friend. We hung out til 7 in the morning or so and I tell you, walking home in the morning light never fails to amaze me. Things look so beautiful and surreal.

I did bump into a few friends during that night out... one of which was wearing the necklace I had given him 3 years ago. OKAY, that really touched me, I almost shed a few tears. Bit of a history there between us (NON-romantic!) that made it so meaningful for me. Got me smiling til now :)

TO ALL MY MYSPACE AND LJ FRIENDS... I am SO sorry I've been lousy at correspondence lately. YouTube is taking over my life at the moment, it's so crazy. My face and videos have been plastered on a ridiculous amount of Tokio Hotel fansites and fan blogs that I will not be surprised should Bill Kaulitz call me up in the next 5 minutes and yell, "STAY OFFA MY PAGES, FREAK!!".

Ok, my jaw might drop, but yeah, that's the reason I've been swamped in mail lately (no kidding when I say it's in the thousands), so I'M SORRY I've been lousy at replying to you guys lately! :( Please bear with me for the time being.

In no way am I complaining about the mail, btw. You people are all lovely ^_^ Ooh ooh and over 1100 YouTube subs, whee! Big deal for me since I was only at 500 less than a month ago I think.

Kimi and I pigged out on pizza today, and I'm drowning my insides with water. I feel like a fat bloated potato face. Well, I've actually lost about 12 pounds but THAT don't show on camera. Convenient, eh?

Ok. Brain has gone dead. Mail pile is still waiting. Gotta run!! -ZIP-

J'Lostein

Dear Journal,






Emails have been CRAZYYYYYY as of late but I just wanted to make a quick post.

I've discovered that over time, I've developed a taste and love for things that most people simply don't understand. I've always had a 'The more people don't get it, the better' take. I'm now finding beauty in things just for the fact that people can't accept or shun them. And I am extremely happy about it.

Also... if you guys have IMVU, find me under the name 'JLostein' (WOW, who would've thought?!).

People have been AWESOME to me as of late and I want to say thank you so much for that guys, you guys have really brightened my spirits a ton!! Thank you for being amazing :)

I REALLY shouldn't be sitting here posting while mail is still piling up. Gotta run!! Final Destination 4 in 3D hopefully tonight, wooooooooo!!

J'Lostein